And now the continuing stoooooooooooory...

In the past year we saw Kaitlyn and Jake becoming a bit more fond of each other, but when Kaitlyn asked whether their friendship was lasting or whether they'd still be friends after the Opera closed for the season, and he responded non-committally. Kaitlyn attempted a few text message invites and flirtatious hugs, and began to feel insanely optimistic. On their last meeting however, when she made the attempt to put him in the position of having to lay some concrete claim on his feelings for her, she asked if he would like to hang some time over the summer, and got the shaft.

Kaitlyn interpreted this quite negatively and reacted as anyone would whose trust had been sufficiently slammed. She turned off from that relationship and shut it out.

Several weeks later she found herself on a workcall with Jake. She decided to simply keep to herself. A few times she noticed Jake peeking at her, and a couple times he came and sat/stood with her, even though he seemed to have nothing to say, and she was disinclined to do the work for him. She noted his determined presence, but still nothing had been given that could not be swiped away. She left him that day determined not to particularly care.

Weeks later she found herself working with him again, and again kept her distance. Once or twice he made an effort, and though she was civil and friendly, it was on a shallow and uncommitted level. When once he spoke to her and she misunderstood him, he asked, "Are you not talking to me anymore?" And at the end of the day she watched in the corner of her eye as he let her walk ahead of him as she put on the impression of someone who can so easily walk away from him, too. She even considered she may have got her point across too well, and that Jake might have got the idea that it was no use trying to ameliorate with her anymore.

And that's where things stood. Though both knew that in the coming year they'd have to be thrown together again, and Kaitlyn didn't know what that meant for her. Should she remain aloof, or would she be suckered in again? And what about throwing away one of the few people she actually seemed to enjoy mutual fondness for in this whole stupid world?

So, today, I did something and it made me laugh out loud. I might tell you what it was if you'd have any hope of understanding it at all, but you wouldn't. It's so very specific to my job and my personal history. And I knew the only other person in the world who would be able to understand how funny it was was Jake. And it began to feel so natural to text him just then, as natural as the first time I asked him out and was told 'I don't know, maybe'. Doubting myself that it felt this good, I put it off, but eventually I did it.

The remarkable thing is how immediately he texted me back an appropriate response.

Which is only remarkable because of his non-responsive history - at least, with me.

So, that's the end of that story, until next time.

At this rate, we might have our first date at about 65, first kiss at 75, and we might just go all the way at around age 100.

But I shouldn't even joke about that. All the lessons I'm learning lately tell me that I'm better off smothering my sexuality. I am Earth Mother, not Sex Kitten. No man wants to get up on this body, and even if they did, they hate themselves for it and feel it's perfectly appropriate to treat me like shit. I am my own sex partner from here on out.

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