Weight loss efforts abandoned as work was intense.

He whom I call Spanky is in this show, and I think we now have a crush on each other, anyway it pleases me to think so. A couple days ago I saw him catch me checking him out in his underwear as he stood onstage in rehearsal. I immediately looked away and didn't look back at him for like the rest of the day. He always expresses his devotion to my roommate and I am uncomfortable to begin to sense his elevated interest in me.

Because I begin to feel that my lust is evil.

I would love a good relationship with this guy, I feel a kinship, but our genders and his marriage make it awkward for me, even though he has always been comfortable in the company of women and I have always been comfortable in the company of men.

Sensing an unacceptable indifference to propriety in the face of raw lust, I have tried to walk away and remain relatively separate, but tonight I took exceptional secret pleasure in his proximity.

Spanky, who is best-friend material on so many levels, whose energy stirs my lust, who is half my size making me feel uncomfortable about real sexual activity anyway.

But Ross is in the next show. Physically more appropriate, the sexual chemistry between us is through the roof, and there is the safety that our personalities do not mesh and inasmuch as they do is still quite conducive... but he has this wife and I have to restrain myself and withdraw myself and act disinterested so as not to be a credible lure/siren.

Me, of all people.

I am a mountain of lust for 3 very different men tonight. go figure. I made a chart comparing my various compatibilities with them all tonight.

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