We became good friends on the Opera. On the last night of the Opera I let him out of the car. As he got out, we mentioned that we might cross paths the next day, and I said, "But, Jake, will we still be friends now that the Opera is over?" He said that, well, he might smile at me or something.

When I went downstairs to visit him he was busy calling a focus. When he came up to see me I was busy writing cues. The last time I saw him he was so sexy to me - his voice and his body language - though he may not have realized it - and I was shy because he was talking to someone else. Otherwise whenever I'd pop in to see him, he was tied up in a show or not there. Thursday was his birthday and Wednesday night I went in and left him a card. I didn't want to do anything big or material this year, and I knew that my schedule prevented me from even trying to connect with him. I haven't heard from him since, and I miss him, and I want to tell him that. I've been so horny all week and I've been thinking of him. I know he'd be happy to see me but I wish he'd make an effort once.

The hot weather is perhaps responsible for some slight weight loss. And sitting on the recumbent bike facing a mirror, I had a thought not to worry about getting down to a good size, but that if I lost just a few pounds I'd be under 280 and might could start thinking of fitting into my size 22s again. I hate looking at myself these days and thinking of trying to attract a man - there's nothing sexy about my naked body now. Even my face is finally just too fat. All I have going for me is my personality. And amazingly, he seems to care about that, when apparently pretty much no one else does.

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