Oh, God, I cried all night about not having won again, checked online numerous times to see the winners posted or to look for congratulatory comments from friends, but the fact that no one (especially my roommate) contacted me I was sure I hadn't. I was especially surprised that she didn't contact me about the after-partying, because we talked about her doing that. I took that as another sign that I was not a winner.

Not until finally now, after sleeping all day with eyes pasted shut from tears, do I get a blog comment from Spanky congratulating me on my win for his show.

JESUS!

I don't have to be ashamed anymore.

It doesn't change anything as far as my perception of myself or my work is concerned.

It's just, I had more nominations than anyone and yet was pretty much the only lighting designer to never have won. If it had happened again this year that would have been just too much. In fact, last year was even just too much.

It's about respect and appreciation, it's about public perception. It's about people who've heard I'm a lighting designer but never come see my work. It's about people who don't know how to tell a good lighting designer by looking at the lighting - they may need to see that I've won an award to grant me that much more respect.

It's about always always always being an also-ran.

Thank Christ.

previous - next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Five

- - 2008-09-13
- - 2008-09-05
- - 2008-08-28
- - 2008-08-24
- - 2008-08-13